OFF THE RECORD

"I wish I had never invented the Electoral College."

-Al Gore

"The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything."

-Joseph Stalin

The government of Japan sent 10 tons of Viagra tablets to the United States recently. They heard we were having election problems.

"I voted for nobody. And nobody won."

-A nonvoting radio talk show caller

"You still got to feel sorry for the loser because that's a bad loss. Isn't it? I mean, look what happened' to Bob Dole. One day, he was almost president of the United States. The next day, he has erectile dysfunction."

-Jay Leno

"President …